What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
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Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!