The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.