If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.