What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
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