How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
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