What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
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What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.