It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It’s so hot I wish had got the cloth seats instead of the leather ones.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It's so hot outside the ice cream man just change the sign on the side of his truck to "cream."
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.