It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It's so hot outside the ice cream man just change the sign on the side of his truck to "cream."
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.