Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.