What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.