A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.