What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."