A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.