Words

I found a pen that writes underwater.
It writes other words too.
After the doctor finished up with my prostrate exam the nurse came in and said three words I didn’t want to hear...
“Who was that?”
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Why do words and punctuation end up in court? To be sentenced.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Three words to ruin a man's ego... "Is it in?"
I accidentally mixed up the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' online.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
My professor accused me of plagiarizing.
His words, not mine.
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call the FINE print!
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
If I had to describe myself in 3 words?
Lazy.
People often accuse me of "stealing other's jokes" and being "a plagiarist." Their words not mine.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.