When

I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me.
I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.
I can remember where I got married.
I can remember when I got married.
I just can’t remember why.
I hate when I have to stop scuba diving
If makes me deep-pressed
You're so ugly when your wife takes you to the beach they ask her what she used for bait.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
What does the sign on the brothel say when it’s closed?
Beat it, we're clothed.
I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I think not!"
POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am.

But to explain the concept beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.