Took Jokes

Have you heard about a man who became a werewolf?
He was distressed at first, but then he took a lycan to it.
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
Hey Cinderella, must be time I took you home. It’s nearly midnight!
You're old enough to know, my son,
It's really awfully rude
If someone speaks when both his cheeks
Are jammed and crammed with food.
Your mother asked you how you liked
the onions in the stew.
You stuffed your mouth with raisin bread
And mumbled, "Vewee goo."

Then when she asked you what you said,
You took a drink of milk,
And all that we could understand
Was, "Uggle gluggle skwilk."

And now you're asking me if you
Can have more lemon Jell-O.
Please listen carefully, "Yes, ifoo
Arstilla ungwy fello."

(Martin Gardner)
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I have no idea how so many people didn’t make it out the labyrinth.
It only took me a minotaur two.
Do you have an inhaler? You took my breath away.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Want to get some air? You took my breath away!
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