Therapy Jokes

At first I thought my therapy for Stockholm syndrome was bad for me.
But now I kind of like it.
“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”
—Michelle Pfeiffer
I went to a therapy group to help me cope with loneliness, but no one else turned up.
Stewart Francis
After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes… he said, "No hablo Ingles."
Ronnie Shakes
“Sometimes, being silly with a friend is the best therapy.”
— Unknown
“Gardening. Cheaper than therapy (until your spouse adds up the receipts).”
— Anonymous
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
An Embarrassing Problem... A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of it, then tossed the remainder in the bartender's face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing this to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this." Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see a psychoanalyst about his problem. "I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they come." The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being. Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine. "I certainly did," the man said. "I've been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week." He took a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the bartender's face. The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. "The doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good," he spluttered. "On the contrary," the man said," he's done me a world of good." "But you just threw the wine in my face again!" the bartender exclaimed. "Yes," the man said. "But it doesn't embarrass me anymore!"
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
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