Taking

I only lost 2 pounds while taking laxatives for a colonoscopy.
I guess I'm not as full of crap as I thought.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
I thought about studying the astronomy for my university. But then I thought, I would just be taking up space.
Wolves love taking woofles for breakfast, they are sweet and amazing.
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
Man in a cinema watching a cowboy film.
A stagecoach pulls up, man 1 turns to his neighbour and says "I bet you a tenner that the first cowboy bangs his head on the doorframe." Man 2 accepts the bet. The first guy out banged his head so man 2 pays up.

Man 1 feels guilty and gives back the tenner, says "I'm sorry, I saw this film last week, it made me feel bad taking your money."

Man 2 says "So did I, but I didn't think he'd be daft enough to do it again."
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
I was taking care of my friend’s snake while he was on vacation, but somehow it crawled into our freezer and died.
I asked my wife, “What should I tell him?”
“Just give it to him straight.”
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
I asked the older woman at work what she is doing for Valentine’s Day and she said that she was taking her husband to the Cardiologist. The heart wants what the heart wants.