A cowboy is walking down main street in nothing but his boots and hat... Shortly after he got into town, a sheriff stops him.
"Sir, why in the hell are you walkin down the street naked as a jaybird?"
"I can explain! See I met this girl named Sally. Well, I took her back to my place and she took her shirt off... So I took off mine. Then she took her pants off... And I took off mine. She whipped off her britches... And I slipped outta mine.
"After that she laid down and hollered, 'Go to town cowboy!'
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding their horses. Tonto stops his horse, jumps off and puts his ear to the ground. He looks up at the Lone Ranger and says, "Buffalo come". The Lone Ranger asks, "How do you know that?" "Ear sticky."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
A man meets a fairy. "I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy. "I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man. He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full. "And youre second wish?" the fairy asks. "Another one of those."
As the nurse is making the rounds at the old folks home... She stops by Carl's room and sees him putting black shoe polish all over his penis. Dismayed, she exclaims "no, no, no Carl, you misunderstood. I said remember to turn your clock back."
A cowboy and a red Indian are walking through the desert... After a short time the Indian stops the cowboy before dropping to his knees and placing his ear to the ground. Upon standing the Indian says firmly "Buffalo come"
"That's amazing" says the cowboy, "How can you tell that?"
The Indian replies...
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap her on the as* and tell her to get back to work.