What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave? I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested? He was foraging checks.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing. He told me he was hedging his bets.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door? ...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son? Acorny joke.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet? Cashews
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel? A chipmunk.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune. Nutradamus.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car? To get down to the nuts and bolts.
How do you catch a rich squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut? It was one tough nut to crack.
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts? A female squirrel.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant? An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo? An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.
Jane Teaches Tarzan a New Trick
When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was instantly attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him if he had ever made love to a woman.
"Tarzan not know lovemake." he replied.
Jane explained to him what it was.
Tarzan said, "Ohhh...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground.
"Here." she said, pointing to her privates, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her right in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually, she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for??!!"
"Always check for squirrel."