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So

Why did the Cold War go on for so long?
Because Russia kept Stalin.
I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers.
The Times are rough.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
Deep sea diving is so dangerous.
I just can’t fathom it.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
You're so ugly at Halloween kids give YOU candy.
You're so ugly after the doctor cut your cord he hung himself with it.
You have so many pimples blind people find your face a fascinating read.
You're so ugly when your wife takes you to the beach they ask her what she used for bait.
You're so ugly in your family album they only keep the negatives.
You're so ugly when you were a baby your mother breastfed you through a straw.