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Person Jokes

Gnome Puns
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Movie Pick Up Lines
"Baby, let me hack your pentagon."
- Person of Interest
Ogre Puns
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
He ogre-dosed.
Troll Puns
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.
Christian Pick Up Lines
Hey, let me take you out on a first date in the snow - I promise I'm not a flaky person.
Nuts Puns
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Friendship Quotes
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
— C.S. Lewis
“Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.”
— Unknown
Garden Quotes
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
Irish Puns
What kind of person would sell someone a sham-rock?
A lepre-con!
Food Quotes
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
Funny Aging Quotes
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
Fairy Puns
Shes a fairy realistic person.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
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