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Opened Jokes

Crow Puns
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
Fridge Puns
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Shower Puns
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know itโ€™s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Cosmetics Puns
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
Itโ€™s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Cherry Puns
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Pig Puns
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it โ€œHam Hocksโ€
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it โ€œHam Hocksโ€.
One Liners and Short Jokes
So my girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying "Sorry, this isn't working."
Then I opened the fridge and it was still working. Phew, I thought something bad is going to happen today.
Mall Pick Up Lines
I heard they just opened up a new Lego store. Let's see if we can't build something together!
Kitchen Puns
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
Sink Puns
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
Mother Puns
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, โ€œItโ€™s not working. I canโ€™t take it any more. Iโ€™m going to my momโ€™s.โ€
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
Electricity Puns
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same timeโ€ฆ I was shocked.โ€
Flower Pick Up Lines
Flowers like our minds, open at the right time. Mine has opened to receive your love.
Onion Puns
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
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