Number

There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant a lot has changed in my life.
Like my name, address and telephone number.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
What's the use of having the best phone, but not having my number?
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
Jerry Seinfeld
We’re calling your number.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
After much dithering a woman summons the courage to ring her friend and sing Happy Birthday to her over the phone.
Half-way through her rendition she realises she’s rung the wrong number.
“Why didn’t you stop me when you realise it was a wrong number,” she asks the lady on the other end of the phone.
“You need all the practice you can get!”