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Now

I can sea clearly now.
Are you squiding me right now?
My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."

A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Just found out that my old 3rd grade teacher is now doing time in prison for sexually assaulting a student.
I gotta say, he always rubbed me the wrong way.
“What turning forty means to me? I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that, but now I do.”
Tina Fey
“My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”
Jimmy Carter
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
Homer Simpson
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
How do you measure the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
I used to be a narcissist.
But now look at me.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
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