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Mind

Alien Puns
Have you heard the one about the spaceship that came to Earth?
Never mind its over your head.
Leg Puns
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
Brain Puns
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
Train Puns
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
One Liners and Short Jokes
A woman says to the dentist "I don't know which is worse having a tooth pulled or having a Baby."
The dentist says "Well make up your mind I gotta adjust the chair!"
Birthday Jokes
A man gets up and heads off to work despondent that not one member of his family has wished him Happy Birthday. What an ungrateful lot he thinks.

When he gets to work his attractive secretary asks him what’s wrong and he explains.

“Why don’t I take you out to lunch to cheer you up,” she says.

After a lovely lunch and a couple of glasses of champagne, she says do you mind if we drop into my apartment on the way home.

Interested, he replies,” Sure!”

At her apartment she smiles, fixes him a drink, and then says, “I just have to slip into the bedroom for a minute.”

In a moment she’s back with a birthday cake, his family and all his friends.

And there’s him lying naked on the couch.
Quotes
“Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keep friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.”
Greenville Kleisser
Blonde Jokes
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Pumpkin Puns
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
Doctor Puns
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
Spice Puns
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
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