Holding

Dating is a lot like fishing.
Sure, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but until I catch one, I’m just stuck here holding my rod.
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I would be holding a galaxy.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
A physics teacher writes a question on a board:

"A 40 kg child that 100 cm tall is holding a parent's arms swinging them 0.5 revolutions a second. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up?"

A few moments later, the teacher then comes over and reads a student's answer:

"In a foster home."
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.