Holding Jokes

I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up until your back gets used to it
— Author Unknown
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
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