Has Jokes

“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
Did you know this mall has a movie theater? I just saw a preview of our life together. Looks pretty good!
You know, your smile has been lighting up the room all night, and I just had to come and say hello.
"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
"Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?"
"Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does."
I'll love you until Tom catches Jerry and has him for supper.
"Do you have a cell phone I could use?"
"Why?"
"Someone has to call God and tell him that one of his angels is missing."
- Couples Retreat (2009)
“I gotta warn ya, every man I’ve ever gone out with has been ruined.”
“Well, that’s what they get for messing with my girl.”
- Bugsy (1991)
You are the reason Santa even has a naughty list.
Has anyone ever told you that you look like an ancient Chinese scroll? Because I can't stop looking you up and down.
I’ve always thought that heck is the only thing hotter than the sun but that has all changed today.
Are you a florist? Cause ever since I met you, my life has been Rosey.
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
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