Deer Jokes

What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
The Hunter's Daughter A hunter takes his daughter deer hunting for the first time. As they get to the deer stand, the hunter tells his daughter to get in the stand and sit very still, and if a deer comes out, shoot it. The hunter leaves his daughter in the stand and starts walking to his own stand. After walking for about five minutes he hears the loud bang of a rifle echoing through the woods from the direction of his daughter’s stand. He thinks, wow! My daughter must have already shot a deer! So he turns back and heads to her stand. But when he gets there, he sees his daughter arguing with a game warden. He hears his daughter yelling at the game warden, “get away from my deer!” The game warden yells back, “look, girl, I already told you, this is not a deer. I should have you arrested for such negligence with a firearm!” The hunter’s daughter is so pissed at this point that she loads a round into her deer rifle, points it right at the game warden’s face, and says, “this is a deer. I shot it. It’s my deer. Now step away or I will blow your head off.” The game warden slowly puts his hands up as he’s staring down the barrel of her loaded deer rifle. He then nervously says, “okay Ma’am. I was wrong. I see now that it is a deer. But before you take it away, can I get my saddle off of it?”
Too Hot For TV Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Se*?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
Q. How do you describe a deer joke with a screwed up punch line?
A. Bucked up.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
Topics of Conversation A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.  He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.  So let's talk."  The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"  "Oh, I don't know," says the guy. Wanting to impress her, he says: "How about nuclear power?"  "OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic, but let me ask you a question first:  A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--grass.  Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"  The guy is dumbfounded.  Finally, he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know jack sh*t??"
The Blonde Hunters Two blondes decided to go on a hunting trip to see what it's all about. After a few days camping, they finally bagged a deer and were dragging it by the rear legs back to the truck. But the antlers kept getting stuck in the mud. One says to the other, "This is tough but we only got about a mile left to reach the truck." Another hunter happened upon them then, saw their dilemma and told them, "If you drag the deer the other way, the antlers won't stick in the mud." So the blondes give it try and it worked! The first blonde says, "That hunter was right! This way is a lot easier." The second blonde says, "Sure was, but now we're two miles from the truck."
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