Daily Jokes

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a nerd, I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25.
“I never realized how annoying I could be until I created a miniature version of myself and started arguing with it daily.” — Anonymous
Sandy was a chocoholic,
The worst I've ever seen!
If she didn't eat some daily,
She'd become crazy mean!

It didn't matter what kind it was,
Ice cream, cake, pie or candy,
As long as it was chocolate,
Sandy was fine and dandy!

Then one day the unthinkable happened,
To the chocolate loving miss,
While eating her favorite candy,
She choked on a chocolate kiss!

"Death by chocolate," the coroner concluded,
As to the cause of Sandy's death.
At least she died doing what she loved,
Eating chocolate til her last breath.

(Kim Merryman)
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”—Kathy Mohnke
What does a mountain often do at its daily meal? It avalunch.
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
Funny Inspirational and Motivational Quotes
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
Zig Ziglar
How do ghosts stay fit? By exorcising daily.
Starts off in the morning, wakes up at six,
Grooms itself using its tongue and licks.
I give it breakfast with a friendly pat.
That's the daily morning of my cat.

Returns for lunch at one o' clock.
Eats milk rice and then goes for a walk.
Sometimes even hunts and catches a rat.
That's the daily afternoon of my cat.

Naps after lunch outside my door.
Sleeps so deeply, perhaps even snores.
Doesn't like the ground; it prefers a mat.
That's the daily evening of my cat.

Wakes up refreshed and comes for dinner.
Does it eat too much? Shouldn't it be thinner?
Eats and sleeps - hope it doesn't get fat.
That's the daily night of my cat.

(M. Tarun Prasad)
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