Can Jokes

Who needs a sled when you can just ride me?
I've got something you can hang a wreath on.
I can tell you're quite the elf-a male.
They can prohibit my alcohol, you intoxicate me enough.
If you can tell me the difference between Flag Day and the 4th of July, I will buy you a drink.
I'm a man without a country. Can I be a citizen of you?
Can I buy you an Easter Egg?
I can give you something to really be thankful about!
Nurse, can I have a little sugar to help the medicine go down?
I can’t find a costume for Halloween, so can I just go as your boyfriend?
Hey pumpkin – I bet I can put a smile on your face.
You can take me home tonight, but only if Yuletide-y up your place.
I can get you off the Naughty List.
Can you hold my gloves for a second? I usually warm them by the fireplace, but you are way hotter.
Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas?
The Old Lady Shoplifter An old lady gets caught shoplifting. On court day the lady and her husband who goes stand before the judge and she says to her, "Why did you shoplift?" And she says "I was hungry." The judge says "What did you take?" She replies, "A can of peaches." The judge thinks on this and comes to a decision. "How many peaches where in the can?" "Six." says the old lady. "Then you shall serve six days in jail." Decrees the judge. "Do you have anything to add?" "Ah, your honor?" Her husband suddenly raises his hand. "She stole a can of peas too."
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Facebook Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy