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Can

Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Did you know that a piranha can eat a kid down to the bone in 8 seconds...
anyways I lost my job at the aquarium today
Got my nurse going into surgery today
She put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left.

She said, "Wow! How can you do that?"

I responded: "I'm ambi-textrous."
Nurse: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.

Man: What happened to the normal sized patients?
What kind of Nurse can cast spells?
A Curse Practitioner.
The Old Lady Shoplifter
The Old Lady Shoplifter An old lady gets caught shoplifting. On court day the lady and her husband who goes stand before the judge and she says to her, "Why did you shoplift?" And she says "I was hungry." The judge says "What did you take?" She replies, "A can of peaches." The judge thinks on this and comes to a decision. "How many peaches where in the can?" "Six." says the old lady. "Then you shall serve six days in jail." Decrees the judge. "Do you have anything to add?" "Ah, your honor?" Her husband suddenly raises his hand. "She stole a can of peas too."
A book fell on my head. I can only blame my shelf.
Can an Australian with poor vision clearly see the moon?
No, but a "good eye might."
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?