Cake

What Do I Look Like to You?
What Do I Look Like to You? A married couple moves into to a new home. After a few days, as the husband returns home from work, his wife says to him, "Honey, one of the pipes in the bathroom is leaking, could you fix it?" "What do I look like, a plumber?" asks the husband, and goes to sleep. A few days later, the wife once again turns to her husband and says, "Honey, my car doesn't start. I think it may need a new battery. Could you change it for me?" "What do I look like, a mechanic?" asks the husband with a frown. A week goes by, and the wife once again turns to her husband and says, "Dear, the roof is leaking, could you do something about it?" "What do I look like, a roofer?" asks the husband. "Take care of these things yourself!" He then leaves home for a week on a business trip. "When I come back," he says to his wife, "I'd like all these things taken care of." He comes back a week later and is astonished to discover the roof is fixed, the car is running and the pipes are brand new. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls at his wife. "Nothing at all." said the wife. "The neighbor popped in and turns out he's a handyman. He said he'd fix the whole thing if I'd just bake him a cake or sleep with him." "Wow," said the husband. "What kind of cake did you make him?" "What do I look like," exclaims the wife, "a baker?"
There was an Old Person of Berlin,
Whose form was uncommonly thin;
Till he once, by mistake,
Was mixed up in a cake,
So they baked that Old Man of Berlin.
There was an Old Person of Rheims,
Who was troubled with horrible dreams;
So, to keep him awake
They fed him on cake,
Which amused that Old Person of Rheims.
"It's been an emotional day,," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What do you call a baker with a cold? Coughee cake.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria? A stomach-cake!
What happened when Jessica Simpson tried to make a birthday cake? The candles melted in the oven!
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.