Breath Jokes

“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”
—Michelle Pfeiffer
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
Sandy was a chocoholic,
The worst I've ever seen!
If she didn't eat some daily,
She'd become crazy mean!

It didn't matter what kind it was,
Ice cream, cake, pie or candy,
As long as it was chocolate,
Sandy was fine and dandy!

Then one day the unthinkable happened,
To the chocolate loving miss,
While eating her favorite candy,
She choked on a chocolate kiss!

"Death by chocolate," the coroner concluded,
As to the cause of Sandy's death.
At least she died doing what she loved,
Eating chocolate til her last breath.

(Kim Merryman)
You common cry of curs, whose breath I hate, as reek o’ the rotten fens.
You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish–O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!
Sorry I'm so quiet this evening. You simply took my breath away.
Are you a pranayama teacher? Because you just took my breath away.
Are you Charlotte Brönte? Because you're a breath of fresh Eyre.
I am sure it is not this jog, you definitely just took my breath away.
Girl are we doing high altitude training because you just took my breath away!
Do you have an inhaler? You took my breath away.
Want to get some air? You took my breath away!
I hope you know CPR, baby because you take my breath away.
You must be Niagara Falls because you’ve taken my breath away.
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