Blood

As Blind As A...
As Blind As A... Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood." "We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us." The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave. When he returns, he is covered in blood. The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?" The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?" "Yes," the other bat answers. "Well," says the first bat, glumly, "I didn't."
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
A man and his wife are playing Dungeons and Dragons together...
During the man's turn, he rolls his D20 and rolls a 1. Simultaneously, he stubs his toe against the table leg so hard that his toe essentially falls off. Blood everywhere. The wife has to rush them both to the ER.

She's waiting.

She's waiting...

The doctor emerges, and the wife rushes over. "How is my husband? What's his condition?"

The doctor replies: "Critical, miss."
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
A priest, a rabbit and a deacon walk into a blood bank.
"I think I might be a type o." said the rabbit.
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
What did the nurse at the blood bank say to the nervous patient?
B positive
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.
You can donate blood to me anytime since you’re just my type.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
The Unending Accident
The Unending Accident George walks up to Terry bruised. battered and covered in blood... Terry asks what the hell happened to him. He says "I'm just walking along, minding my own business and this horse comes out of nowhere and knocks me down." "That explains it, let me call you an ambulance." Says Terry. George says, "Hold on I haven't finished yet, so I get up, dust myself down and wouldn't you know it? I get knocked down by a car." "Oh my god, it's a miracle you're still alive, I'll call an ambulance." Says Terry. George says, "Hold on, I still haven't finished, I get up dust myself down again, I've now got a few cuts and bruises. I catch my breath and I get knocked down by an ambulance." Terry says. "That's it, I'm calling the emergency services." George says "Wait, I still haven't finished, somehow I survived. I get up, I'm feeling groggy, but then I get hit by a fire truck. I get up swaying side to side. Then a helicopter crashes into me." Terry say: "it's a miracle that you're still alive, so what happened then?" "The carnie operator kicked me off the carousel!"
When I go to donate blood I expect a cup of tea, a biscuit and a polite word of thanks...
...not a whole lot of screaming, my bucket confiscated, and a cop asking me questions.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.