Anything

“You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.”
Solomon Schechter
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.

She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.

she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.

she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.

Best thing that has ever happened to me.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
Nurse: Are you allergic to anything?
Man: Burnt bread.
Nurse: You're allergic to burnt bread?!?
Man: Yes, I’m black toast intolerant.
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said "Da, award."
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn…
But they said they couldn’t do anything about crows and to stop calling them.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.