At breakfast a woman said to her husband, "Honey, I had the wildest dream last night. I dreamt that I saw a diamond necklace! What do you think it means?" The husband thought about it for a moment, and answered, "Well, you know sweetie, maybe you'll find out what that dream means on your birthday." Some time later, they were having breakfast again, and the wife said, "Honey, just I had another dream. I was wearing diamond earrings! What do you think it means?" The husband answered, "Your birthday is even closer now sweetie, so I bet you're going to find out what that dream means!" Another morning at breakfast, the wife said, "Honey, I had a dream last night that someone gave me a diamond tennis bracelet. What do you think this dream means???" The husband answered, "Sweetie, It's your birthday next week, and I promise, you'll find out exactly what that dream means." The day before the wife's birthday, she says to her husband, "Honey, I dreamt last night that you gave me a diamond ring! Do you know what that dream means?" The husband answered, "Sweetie, I love you so much, and all I can say is there's only one more day until you find out what all these dreams mean." The next morning at breakfast, the husband gave his wife her birthday present. It was a book: "How to Interpret your Dreams".

Two country brothers are laid off from work and go to the unemployment office. The two of them apply for unemployment. The first brother is asked his occupation to which he replies, "I am a panty stitcher. I sew pantyhose for women." The clerk looks up his occupation and finds it to be unskilled labor. He gives the brother $300 a week for unemployment. The clerk asks the second brother his occupation and he says, "Diesel Fitter." The clerk again looked it up and found it to be skilled labor so the brother is given $600 a week for unemployment. A week later, the first brother comes in and he's angry as heck. He accosts the clerk and says it's not fair his brother gets more money than he does. "Well, his job requires more skill." replies the clerk. "What skill? I sew the pantyhose and he holds them up and says, 'diesel fitter.'"

Every morning at 5:30am, a New Zealander man named Dave walks out into his backyard. SLAP! SLAP! “Kam-ar-tee, Kam-ar-tee!”, Dave yells. The neighbor, Tom, could hear it through the fence and it travels all through his house waking his newborn baby up crying. This goes on for a week straight. After the first week, Tom’s wife says “Tom you’ve got to say something!." Tom replies, “What can I do? The Haka is a traditional Maori ritual, and he's from New Zealand. It's his culture!” This goes on for two weeks. Every morning... SLAP! SLAP! “Kam-ar-tee, Kam-ar-tee!” there sounds Dave's yell. Tom’s baby is crying every morning from this. His wife fed up says, “Tom, you’ve got to say something!” Tom, releasing this can’t go on much longer, but hesitant to say anything to Dave, replies “Honey, I know it’s early, but I’m sure he’s practicing the Haka for something important!” “It’s been two whole weeks, I’m sure he’s done practicing. I’ll tell you what, if he does it tomorrow morning, I’LL go say something.” The next morning… SLAP! SLAP! “Kam-ar-tee, Kam-ar-tee!” Dave yells. Enough is enough. Tom marches next door and knocks on Dave's door. “Hey man, look, I've got nothing against New Zealand, but do you have to do the haka before sunrise every day?” Dave, looking shocked standing in his door way, says nothing… Just then an old dog walks around the corner. Tom says, “Hi little fella!” “When when did you get a dog, Dave?” Dave says, “About 2 weeks ago, my sister dropped him off whilst she’s away. She said he wants to be walked every morning first thing and he’s deaf as a post” “I yell at him to come, but he can’t hear me!” Tom says, “what’s his name?” ”Artie.”