Time and time again we are told that each of us has a soulmate who is waiting to be found. Someone who years for our love, comfort, and warmth... Whether or not soulmates really do exist, we seem to be looking at this issue too generally, which prevents us from understanding what a soulmate actually is.
According to Dr. Helen Fisher, an anthropology professor who has studied the subject of love, there are four types of lovers. Each of these is controlled by different chemicals which make them develop certain habits and particular personalities. Get to know the four types of lovers, and try to figure out which one matches you and your partner best.
Explorers usually use words such as "adventure," "spontaneity," "travel," "new," and "fun," because they are run predominately by dopamine. Such people look for a partner who can be an active player in this game they call "life." Explorers are very impulsive, rebellious and curious, and their high levels of dopamine cause them to be goal-oriented, because enthusiasm and determination are strongly connected in their minds. Because they are the kind of people who can easily get bored, they always try to be on the move, and especially enjoy discovering new places and cultures.
Explorers tend to be attracted to other explorers. While it sounds simple, it may be quite a challenge for them; when two explorers meet, the sparks fly, but if they don’t learn how to be patient with each other, they will eventually get into fights and conflicts. In the end, such a situation can lead to a breakup, so even though such love can develop very quickly, if not nurtured in the right way, it may soon be destroyed as well.
Builders tend to use words such as "family," "sincerity," "values," "trust," and "loyalty," because the chemical that controls them is serotonin. Such people are looking for someone to love who can help them with their own goals. Serotonin is a chemical that encourages a person to be more careful because it suppresses dopamine levels. Therefore, builders are calm, social, stable, and self-conscious people whose goal is establishing a family. In addition, it is very easy for them to form bonds with others, and they tend to respect people with authority.
In the field of love
Builders are drawn to other builders, and such couples are usually high school sweethearts whose relationship lasts forever. Although this idea sounds very idealistic, it doesn’t mean that they don’t face obstacles in their relationship. For example, two builders together can be too fixed on their own rules, schedules, and traditions, and they may begin to argue about who‘s living life correctly, which is very important to them because it affects the whole family. It is very important that builders keep an open mind and learn to be flexible so that they can develop along with their relationship.
Directors often used words such as "ambitions," "challenges," and "politics," because the chemical that controls them is testosterone, and such people seek someone to love who can share their views and thoughts. Directors are bold, decisive, and self-confident, and they value logic over everything else. It is therefore not easy to influence how they make their decisions by appealing to their feelings. Directors also love competition, are extremely ambitious, and can spend long stretches of time alone without feeling bad about it.
Directors will rarely look for another person who is also a director. Instead, they will prefer to look for someone who will turn their world upside down, and the perfect candidate for this is the negotiator. This is because it is difficult for directors to express themselves verbally and to read people like negotiators can, so they complement each other.
However, despite this successful match, problems in such a relationship may still arise. If a director is addicted to work, this can cause them to neglect their spouse and family. In order for directors to have a satisfying and loving relationship, they must learn what it means to listen to the heart rather than to reason.
Negotiators often use words like "courtesy," "sensitivity," "empathy," "learning," and "random," because the chemical that controls them is estrogen. These are the kind of people who are just looking for a soulmate to love and are often more philosophical than the other types of lovers, as their high levels of estrogen allows them to sink into deep thoughts.
This helps them connect with many different ideas and theories about life, so it is easy for them to understand other people and be empathic. In addition, they are capable of understanding abstract ideas because of their developed imagination, and as a result, they also tend to daydream. Negotiators are very intuitive and often to rely on their gut feelings when making decisions.
In most cases, negotiators find themselves in love with directors because they perfectly complement each other. However, their main problem is that they tend to think too much about small comments and criticisms they received from their spouse. Therefore, they tend to sink into negative feelings often, which causes them to over-correct themselves, and at the same times makes them feel lost.
Each of these four types of lovers has a higher chance of being attracted to a certain type of person, but it is important to remember that this doesn’t mean that they can’t have a successful relationship and be happy with other types of people. You or your partner may also have characteristics that fit two types of love, but one of them might be more dominant than the other. As long as the couple is mature enough to deal with each other's weak points, they can work together and have a good and successful relationship.
It should also be known that, despite Dr. Helen Fisher’s extensive research, very little is known about love, and there is always a need for further research.The most important thing is to be kind to the people we are in relationship with and try to understand them.
Watch Dr. Helen Fisher's lecture on love here: