Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.