How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
The Supreme Quart.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.