What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.