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Wants Jokes

Divorce Puns
My birch of a wife just told me she wants a divorce. Says she’s tired of all of my tree puns.
Family Puns
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
Monster Puns
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
Funny Break Up Lines
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Movie Pick Up Lines
Is your name Rapunzel, cause I need a girl who never leaves the bedroom and constantly wants me to pull her hair?
Ancient Greek Monster Puns
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
Crow Puns
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
Onion Puns
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Peach Puns
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
Utensils Puns
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
Clothes Pick Up Lines
Are those Guess jeans? Because guess who wants to get into them.
Funny Marriage Quotes
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”—Groucho Marx