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Stick Jokes

Funny Animal Quotes
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”

- Garry Shandling.
Werewolf Puns
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
Utensils Puns
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
What Reincarnation is All About
A soldier is reading a book while off duty when he sees his sergeant coming. Everyone hated sergeant Thompson, he always had a big stick up his bum. "Private." "Sergeant Thompson, Sir!" the soldier said, standing up smartly. "At ease." The soldier gladly returned to his book... until he realized the sergeant is still standing over him, staring at the cover. "Yes, Sarge?" "What's that rubbish you're reading there, private? Re..incar..nation? What's that all about?" "Well," smiles the soldier, "It's pretty simple sir. Say you died, God forbid, and we buried you. Then a few months later grass grew on that plot of land. Then a cow came and ate that grass. As nature dictates, a few hours later it passes it through its stomachs and dumps it out on the ground... Then I would walk by and say: "Hey Sarge, you haven't changed a bit!""
Corona Virus Jokes
Why don’t we go somewhere where I can stick a candle in your jack-o-lantern?
Witch Puns
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
Funny Work Quotes
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
Onion Puns
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
Hockey Pick Up Lines
Life is better when we stick together.
I’m a hockey player; of course my stick is curved!
Cosmetics Puns
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
Coffee Shop Pick Up Lines
That Kenyan black smells wonderful! May I try it? Normally I stick to English Breakfast, but I’m always open to experimenting.
Funny Break Up Lines
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Marriage Puns
My dad always said, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
Tiger Puns
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
The Christ-Like Dog
George is playing fetch with his dog by a lake. He throws a stick out on the water and the dog trots out atop the water, retrieves the stick and walks back to him. George is flabbergasted. He throws the stick again. And again, the dog trots out atop the water, gets the stick and brings it back. The man can hardly believe his eyes! Bursting with excitement, that evening he goes to his neighbor's house, Bill, and invites him to come down to the lake the next day, hoping to show off his amazing dog. Once they arrive, the man throws the stick out into the middle of the lake. Just as before, the dog trots out on top of the water, grabs the stick, and trots back. Bill watches calmly and says nothing. George throws the stick again. The dog walks on the water, gets it, and returns. Still, the neighbor remains silent. Unable to contain himself any longer, George asks, "So... did you notice anything unusual about my dog?" Bill rubs his chin and replies, "Yeah, I noticed. He can't swim, can he?"
Halloween Pick Up Lines
I hear this house is haunted… we better stick together.