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Serious Jokes

Toilet Puns
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Color Puns
TV news anchors love the shades of red. They get serious whenever there is Burgundy.
Table Puns
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Giant Puns
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
Onion Puns
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?

Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
The Sick Mother-In-Law
A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?" He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!" "Wow that's amazing!" Says the surprised wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!" "Well, I don't know how she was yesterday," he replied, "but today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst!"
Deer Puns
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
Toxic Pick Up Lines
Wow, you have a the chin of Superman. I bet you could take a serious punch.
Ear Puns
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Crocodile Puns
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
Monster Puns
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
Music Pick Up Lines
I bet we'd get into some serious Treble together.
Irish Puns
I’m a small Irish creature who has been diagnosed with a serious sickness. It’s Leprechronic.
Gorilla Puns
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
One Liners and Short Jokes
Man says to his boss, "Can we talk? I have a problem."
Boss: "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!"
Man: "Ok, I have a serious drinking opportunity."
Funny Break Up Lines
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.