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Knows Jokes

Onion Puns
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
Friendship Quotes
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
– Bernard Meltzer
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked.”
— Bernard Meltzer
Toilet Paper Puns
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
History Puns
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Gladiator Puns
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Deer Puns
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
Funny Limericks
There was a young lady of Kent.
Whose nose was most awfully bent.
She followed her nose,
One day, I suppose,
And no one knows which way she went.
Funny Marriage Quotes
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” - Tim Allen
“My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.”—Lee Judge
Marriage Puns
My dad always said, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
Movie Pick Up Lines
"You need kissing badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how."
- Clark Gable, Gone with the Wind (1939)
Strawberry Puns
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
Viking Puns
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Funny Parenting Quotes
“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
—P.J. O’Rourke