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Holiday Jokes

Ghost Puns
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
The best place for a ghost to go on holiday is The Dead Sea.
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
Parrot Puns
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
Toilet Paper Puns
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Mummy Puns
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Elf Puns
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Poop Puns
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Monster Puns
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
Atheists Need a Holiday
An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations. He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long, passionate presentation by the atheist's lawyer, the judge banged his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed!" The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling. "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter, and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah. Yet, my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!" The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, "Obviously, your client is too confused to know about, much less celebrate his own atheist holiday!" The lawyer pompously said, "Your honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be?" The judge replied, "Well, it comes every year on exactly the same date. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, if your client says there is no God then, according to the Bible, he is a fool. April Fool's Day is his holiday. Now, get out of my courtroom!"
Coffee Shop Pick Up Lines
Are you a Gingersnap/Eggnog Latte? Because I want to bring you home for the holiday.
Gorilla Puns
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
Christian Pick Up Lines
Let's get drinks, cuz I wanna get into the holiday ~spirit~ with you.
Pig Puns
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
Mother Puns
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
The Impatient Mother-in-Law
A couple invites their family over for Thanksgiving night and invites the whole family to spend the holiday and meal together. The family gathers, but the couple's children are late and the mother-in-law complains aloud: "Ugh, your children, always late." Eventually, everyone comes and sits down to eat, the mother-in-law insists on sitting at the head of the table and no one has the strength to argue with her. After a few minutes, the hungry mother-in-law begins to complain: "Ugh, what's with the food here, why is it always late?" A few minutes later, the couple bring out the meal they have prepared for their family, mostly cooked by the wife. Everyone eats and the evening continues. While they are in the middle of their main course, the mother-in-law says: "Ugh, I better start clearing the dishes so we can at least move on to the last dish on time." A mere second after she gets up, the large wall clock hanging over the head of the table falls down, reducing her chair to pieces and almost hitting her. Everyone is in shock until the bride mumbles to herself: "Ugh, this clock... always late."