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Brand Jokes

Drugstore Pick Up Lines
Babe, you are the only brand I desire and I want no substitution.
Beer Puns
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
Phone Puns
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
Nuts Puns
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Airport Puns
Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
Toilet Puns
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Water Sports Pick Up Lines
Are you a brand new racing suit? Because you make me forget how to breathe.
Mummy Puns
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Birthday Jokes
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Crow Puns
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
Halloween Puns
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Hummus Puns
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:

"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."

He was not impressed.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
Italy Puns
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.