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Biggest Jokes

4th of July Pick Up Lines
I just went to a fireworks shop and asked for their biggest bomb. They gave me a picture of you
Movie Pick Up Lines
"Going out with you would be my biggest break since the rural juror."
- 30 Rock
Yeti/ Bigfoot Puns
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
Tableware Puns
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Bed Puns
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Football Puns
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
Beer Puns
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Funny Parenting Quotes
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”

- Paul Reiser.
Food Poems
I'm Sneaky Bill, I'm terrible and mean and vicious,
I steal all the cashews
from the mixed-nut dishes.
I eat all the icing but I won't touch the cake,
And what you won't give me,
I'll go ahead and take.
I gobble up the cherries from everyone's drinks,
And whenever there are sausages
I grab a dozen links;
I take both drumsticks if
there's turkey or chicken,
And the biggest strawberries
are what I'm pickin';
I make sure I get the finest chop on the plate,
And I'll eat the portions of anyone's who's late.
I'm always on the spot before the dinner bell--
I guess I'm pretty awful
but
I
do
eat
well!

(William Cole)
Leg Puns
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
History Puns
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Boat Puns
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Theater Puns
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.