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Absolutely Jokes

Funny Animal Quotes
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
Classic Pick Up Lines
Are you a time traveler? Because I absolutely see you in my future.
Wolf Puns
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
Wine Puns
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Medieval Puns
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Puns
A man entered his house and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in his house.
Utensils Puns
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Funny Aging Quotes
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
Parrot Puns
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
Dad Jokes
The circle is just the most ridiculous shape in the world.
There's absolutely no point to it.
Nature Puns
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
Romantic Pick Up Lines
Hi, my friend thinks you're kinda cute, but I don't. I think you're absolutely gorgeous.
Color Puns
When I broke my brother's favorite toy, he turned absolutely red in anger.
Gorilla Puns
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!