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sissi et paul Jokes

sissi et paul Jokes and more.
Hockey Puns
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
One Liners and Short Jokes
The Truth About The Beatles:
John was the brain.
Paul was the heart.
George was the spirit,
and Ringo was the drummer.
Christian Pick Up Lines
So I was reading my bible the other day and I was wondering if you know what Paul meant by "Greet one another with a holy kiss?"
I Wonder How Paul is So Fast
Paul got a part-time job at the Post Office. He was thrilled, because he had been looking for employment for a while, without any luck. It wasn’t long before his first day arrived, and he headed to the Post Office brimming with confidence. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail. Paul separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. His supervisor was astounded as his speed. At the end of the first day, he approached Paul. "I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had." "Thank you, Sir," said Paul, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better." "Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?" Paul replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses!"
Monster Puns
What kind of hat does a skeleton wear at Easter?
A Bone-et.
Witty Horoscope Quotes
“I have such an ego ’cause I’m a double Leo. I can’t let go of me, you know, so it’s very difficult for me to be somebody else and not me. I’m so into me.”
— Paul Mooney
Laundry Puns
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Funny Love Quotes
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
Food Poems
There was a professor named Chesterton
Who went for a walk with his best shirt on
Being hungry, he et it
But lived to regret it
And ruined for life his digestion.
Driving Quotes
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
Guitar Puns
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Never Remarry
Lucy and Debra were having one of their chats during one of their regular Thursday outings to play some chess, talk and get some good coffee. At one point, Lucy sighed and said, “You know, Debra , if something every happened to my Paul, I don’t think I could ever marry again.” Debra nodded sympathetically. “I know what you mean,” she said. “Once is enough for me too.”
The $15 Porsche
A 16 year old teen comes home with a Porsche. His parents began to yell and scream. “Where did you get that car?” He calmly told them, “I bought it today.” “With what money?” Demanded his Father. “I know how much a Porsche costs!” “Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.” The parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like this for fifteen dollars!?” They asked. “It was the lady up the street,” said the boy, “don’t know her name — they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.” “Oh my goodness!” Gasped the mother, “she must be mentally ill! Who knows what she will do next? Paul, you go right up there and see what’s going on. And you my son should be ashamed of taking advantage!” So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in her yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy she sold the Porsche to for fifteen dollars and asked her what happened. “Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was really stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”
Funny Work Quotes
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
Frog Puns
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
Puns
What’s ET short for?
So he can fit in the spaceship!
Air Travel Quotes
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
Clever Jokes
My editor told me he didn’t like my citation formatting
He didn’t like id., et al.
Funny Parenting Quotes
“Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”

- Paul Reiser.
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”

- Paul Reiser.
Space Puns
How will you make a baby astronaut fall asleep peacefully? Rock-et.
Funny Haiku
I think my chickens are possessed
My wife is very much distressed
Their feathers are all dishevelled
And the eggs they lay are devilled

- Paul Curtis
If vampires can't see
Their own reflection
In a mirror or anything else
That's shiny

Then the thing I
Have always wondered is
How do they manage
To keep their hair tidy?

- Paul Curtis
Pursuing phantoms
Came in the night

From hells realm
Making me take flight

I was so mortally scared
I needed a Bracer

And I quickly followed it
With a Chaser

Though spirituous liquors’
Have their merits

They were no defence
Against evil spirits

- Paul Curtis
It’s here again
That day we all dread
When once more
We fear the rise of the dead

But fear not
Our salvation is at hand
We shall be saved
By an unlikely Band

So be assured
When the time is near
Ghosts and ghouls
Will all quake in fear

When night falls
All the undead will cower
Trembling in awe
Come the witching hour

As armed with sacks
Our great costumed army
Will roam the streets
To drive the evil spirits barmy

So to protect yourselves
Keep a proper payment handy
When the costumed army
Come knocking for some candy

- Paul Curtis
Those little darlings
With their angelic eyes
Look harmless enough
But beneath their disguise

They’re nothing but thugs
With pure evil intent
These spawn of Satan
Are not heaven sent

These foul blackguards
Going about their sport
They say “Trick or treat”
As they happily extort

They squirt fake blood
On my front door
They egg my new car
I can’t take any more

I sit counting the minutes
Am I the only one?
Who just can’t wait
Till Halloween is done.
- Paul Curtis
It was Halloween and
We were on our way to a party
They were both dressed as vampires
And I was Professor Moriarty

We stopped at the supermarket
But didn’t have any cash
So we thought we’d steal some booze
Then make a dash

The bottles we wanted
Were on the very top of the racks
Which we couldn’t reach
So I had to stand on their backs

Once I had the bottles
Dracula hid them under his cape
And without drawing attention
We casually made our escape

But we were caught on CCTV
A very clear image by all accounts
I was charged with shoplifting
On two counts.


- Paul Curtis
Tax Quotes
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
Funny Money Quotes
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann