Jokes > Search Results > fdffff g

fdffff g Jokes

fdffff g Jokes and more.
Funny Poems For Kids
"If I Were In Charge Of The World"

If I were in charge of the world
I'd cancel oatmeal,
Monday mornings,
Allergy shots, and also Sara Steinberg.

If I were in charge of the world
There'd be brighter nights lights,
Healthier hamsters, and
Basketball baskets forty eight inches lower.

If I were in charge of the world
You wouldn't have lonely.
You wouldn't have clean.
You wouldn't have bedtimes.
Or "Don't punch your sister."
You wouldn't even have sisters.

If I were in charge of the world
A chocolate sundae with whipped cream and nuts would be a vegetable
All 007 movies would be G,
And a person who sometimes forgot to brush,
And sometimes forgot to flush,
Would still be allowed to be
In charge of the world.

– Judith Viorst
"The Attraction of Levitation"

“Oh, dear!” said little Johnny Frost,
“Sleds are such different things!
When down the hill you swiftly coast
You’d think that they had wings;

“But when uphill you slowly climb,
And have to drag your sled,
It feels so heavy that you’d think
‘Twas really made of lead.

“And all because an Englishman,
Sir Isaac Newton named,
Invented gravitation, and
Became unduly famed;

“While if he had reversed his law,
So folks uphill could coast,
It seems to me he would have had
A better claim to boast.

“Then coasting would all pleasure be;
To slide up would be slick!
And dragging sleds downhill would be
An awful easy trick!”

– H. G. Paine
Bee Puns
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
Keyboard Puns
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
Clever Jokes
C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
Thanksgiving Jokes
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Greece Puns
What is the capital of Greece?
G.
Fall Puns
Fall makes me g-leaf-full!
Curing the Stutter
A man with a crippling stutter visits his doctor hoping for a cure. He walks into the doctor's office and says: "D D D D Doctor, you've g g g g got to help m m m me, I'll d d do anyth th th th thing." The doctor gives him a thorough physical examination, and sure enough discovers the problem.... "Your genitals are massive, and it's causing a great strain on your vocal chords, which is creating the stutter. I can, if you'd like, shorten your penis and relieve the great tension on your larynx. The effects will be instantaneous, and we can operate today." "D D D D Do it!" So they prep for surgery and very quickly the operation is performed. It's a complete success, and the man leaves for home delighted to be cured. But that night his wife finds out what he did. She is very unhappy and urges him to reverse the surgery. The next day, the man returns to the doctor's surgery. "Hello doctor, and thanks for seeing me again. I'm completely cured and most of all I'm very grateful, but unfortunately my wife is not, I want to reverse the surgery." The doctor replies: "N N N N N N No Refunds!"
Christian Quotes
If there were no God, there would be no atheists. -- G. K. Chesterton
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. -- G. K. Chesterton
Orange Puns
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
Gnome Puns
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Fish Puns
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Medical Pick Up Lines
Will you be my G-Protein? Because I want to be coupled with you!
Rainbow Puns
Did you hear about the B I V G R O Y rainbow?
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
Music Puns
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
Moon Puns
Canada is planning a mission to the moon
They're calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
Jokes For Women
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
Music Jokes
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
The ABCs of Marriage
After being married for 25 years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her carefully, then said, "You are A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." "What does that mean?" she asked suspiciously. He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous and Hot!" She beamed at him happily and said: "Oh, that's so lovely! But what about I, J and K?" "I'm Just Kidding!" (The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctors are fairly optimistic about saving his genitals).
Is It Because I'm Blond?
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Ah, yes, very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No dear, it's because you're 24."
Funny Winter Quotes
“The most delightful advantage of being bald—one can hear snowflakes.”

– R. G. Daniels