Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.