The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What is the study of real estate? Homology
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.